The Ghosts Of Christmas Past...

Unpacking my Christmas junk this year, to say I SAVE EVERYTHING is a freakin' understatement.

I'm the queen of loving the old, ticky-tacky-crappy, ohsoshiny, unloveable stuff. The tackier, the better. The weird shit. I have a collection going back to my childhood, and regularly add to it from estate sales and thrift shops.

Firstly, dig the boxes out of the garage. Ornaments are NEVER stored in the garage, as I love my ornaments almost as much as I do my chickens. This is just the initial holiday layer, anyway. Lights, room decorations, outdoor lights...that kind of stuff.

And are you even a Christmas traditionalist if you don't keep your stuff in 9000 year old, weird boxes that you've been using since the dawn of time itself?

Box splits? Just run a few yards of packing tape around that sucker, because why get a new box? This one works fine!

But some things just can't last. This was my beloved tacky-shiny tree topper--don't ask me where I got it, some estate sale years ago. Original 1960's dohickey.

But last year not only did the base break off, but the light strand refused to light (bad wire). I thought about getting a new light strand...but then realized it has ELEVEN lights. Not 12. What monster made this thing with a weird number of lights?! I still may scavenge it for parts, tho--those finger-stabber plastic flower thingeys are too cool, as are the pink light bulbs--not to mention that gold reflector in the middle.

In Target the other day, I round the corner...and low and behold, the successor to tackycrappy tree topper!

And IT'S HUGE. When I saw it I swear I heard angels sing. So right up my alley.

And even better lit.

I may swap out the clear bulbs for colored ones, gotta try it and see how it looks. 

Not all joy, though. I had a creeping sense of dread recalling how tired I was last year when taking down the tree, and seemed to recall just shoving things in boxes to be done with it...

AUGH!!!

Yup, ball o' tree lights. Spent a merry fifteen minutes or so grumbling swear words at myself, phrases included 'You dumbshit' and other well-deserved phrases.

By the way, the white lights that have FIVE cords going to each damned light is a giant strand of programmable chaser lights that have all kinds of effects. Surprisingly, once I get the tree decorated that 50 miles or so of white cord hides pretty well.

But the prize of the day from spelunking in the Christmas boxes was for sure this thing, which I had frankly forgotten I'd owned. This was how people did things in 1981 before the days of the sequenced lights so common now. I've never used it.

The D-LITE MODEL 100!

You can tell it's modern, because they boldly put 'Disco' right out there on the front of the box, God help us.

Sweet cover art.

Let's take this ten pound bad boy out of the box, shall we?

All the cords and bits are there...

The back. Note 'Made in Taiwan ROC', which I think Taiwan stopped putting on their products around the time this thing was made. See that double-ended cord with RCA plugs?

Yeah, that's how you're gonna connect it to your stereo.

What? You don't have a stereo, much less one that uses RCA connections?

I do. An 800 pound big ol' Marantz receiver that I love to death. Seriously thinking about wiring this sucker into Christmas this year.

Also note the three H, M, L connections. To see what that's about, let's check the instructions.

Because yup, I got those TOO. And the warranty card, yowzer!

The instruction booklet is about eight pages long, fussy as hell and horribly labor intensive.

One of the first steps is to vandalize this thing and strip the cord down to bare wire so you can ram those wires into the speaker connections on the back of your receiver (this is how you hooked up speakers back in the day). The H, M, L is so you can wire your tree to light up differently in three zones! I mean, who wouldn't want that? But I especially like the part about using this thing with an AM radio. Modern technology, babies!

And yeah, it's not the most powerful thing on the planet. And today's tech is FAR superior.

But think how quaint and antiquated today's tech will be in 40 years.

Vintage Linen Score!

Also at the rummage sale, I found some lady's entire workbasket, stuffed with what appears to be vintage embroidery, applique and crewel projects, mostly from about 1920 to the mid-1950's although some is clearly earlier.  Some of it has, over the years, suffered some stains but they look like they will wash out.

There was a folder full of patterns & instruction sheets.

A bunch of floss, it seems to date from the 1920's-30's mostly.

This enterprising lady wrapped her floss around bits of old cardboard--Chesterfield cigarette cartons and a voting stub.

This is about half of the balls of thread.

Several yards each of vintage fabric which looks like it's from the 1930's.

Some utility bill envelopes from the '30's, which she had sealed and stuffed bits of extra floss into--you could just pull out what you wanted through the window openings.

And a lovely surprise mixed in amongst all this stuff--a souvenir ribbon from 1897!  As near as I can figure out from my research it genuinely dates from 1897.  The silverwork is tarnished but other than that it's in great shape.

None of the work was finished, but several were started.  This is lovely in person.

The company and project info stamped onto the linens was beautifully done, they had style back then.

A pattern for a corset cover.

The original Angry Bird.

I love finding old treasure troves like this, it's a fun glimpse into someone's life in the past.  I don't really know what I'll do with all this stuff, but we'll see!

McCall's 1955 & Origami Fodder!

Went to the baby version of the big upcoming local church rummage sale the other day--this one is just a warm-up.  Scored a cool torn-up kid's book for origami paper and some lady's entire workbasket, stuffed with what appears to be vintage embroidery, applique and crewel projects from about 1920 to the mid-1950's.

In amongst the linens was a 1955 McCall's knitting magazine.  Complete with snotty models!

Ohso NOT amused to be in a knitting magazine.  Her agent swore--swore that she'd be on the cover of Vogue this month.  Right now she is envisioning how she'll disembowel him.

Also less than thrilled.  And she looks like she isn't enjoying the Jaunty Jacket of Calibar (which sounds more like a weapon in a video game).

So the photographer got smart and passed around the Fun Pills and Vodka.  Instant Happiness!

What whatwhatwhat...?!  The editor at this point was weeping into his Vodka Collins, tearing at his hair and muttering, 'Whatever, just get the damned issue on the stands!'  Seriously, folks.  NO.

I will say that I want this dress.

Aw Hell, and this one, too.

The ads were an experience in 'What the Hey...?!'

Way, WAY too happy to be knitting.  Although to be fair, this is how I envision my knitting family members workin' the needles.  Same outfit, expression, everything.

Mrs. Smug Bitch down the block knits the modern way with a machine, laughing at the old-fashioned ladies all the while.

No self-respecting product of the time was without the go-to Terror-Inducing anthropomorphized Mascot.

Yes, FIBERGLASS CURTAINS.  Fun fact:  when I was in high school, unbeknownest to me the curtains in my room were made of this crap.  One day I decided they needed washing and tossed my nightgown into the washer to make a full load.  FULL-ON MISERY-FILLED ITCHFEST HALF AN HOUR AFTER RETIRING FOR THE EVENING.  Good God.  Screw this crap.

The farther into the back of the magazine I got, the more pathetic and odd the ads got.  'Fad of the Month' sounds like a great idea, right?  You can never have enough ticky-tack crap around to inflict on your least-liked family members.  Order a kit!

...or just scrounge in the yard for pinecones and make your own nightmares.  I'll bet under 'materials needed' they list 'one quart of cheap vodka'.

Or scrounge around under the sink and in the bathroom drawer for materials to make gifts for your children!

Both pathetic and depressing.  Stop crying, Betsy!  Just tell your friends it's Barbie's Dream Home!  Now hand mama the rest of her vodka, she has to get started on the family's Christmas gifts.


Then there was the torn-up kid's book--a cool book with awesome artwork, a real shame it was shredded.  Some of the pages were salvageable so I can reuse them in my origami.

I swear I've seen this guy at the Renaissance Faire, staggering around with his cup and crying out, 'Ale tax!' as he slobbers up and demands some of the beer you are drinking.

I love the attention to detail with the little deep-sea diver in the thing's gullet.

And let's just say right now that I have an entire coop full of these.  I recognize a broody hen when I see one!

Mid-Century Chickens!

So Terry over at HenCam http://hencam.com/category/thevintagehen/ has been posting pictures of her vintage apron collection--my favorite is the pink and turquoise happy little rooster on wheels--and got me inspired to share some of my own obnoxious vintage chicken-themed linens.  I had been telling her about my favorite chicken apron which is a 1950's 'black with pink/orange chickens and chicken wire' monstrosity.

So as promised to Terry, here is my more-50's-than-50's chicken apron:

I *DID* warn you.

Such a happy little orange-pink-green chicken family!  I'm sure that they aren't actually staring at each other, aghast with sheer horror...

I don't wear this apron much, my go-to cooking apron is one of those full-front things (still chicken themed of course, in the style of a baby chick feed bag) since when I cook I require more of a drop cloth affair than an apron.

Among my collection of vintage table linens I also have a little tablecloth which looks to be from the early 1960's.

In each corner are these cheerful, clueless rooboys, who clearly have no idea they are standing next to a cooking pot.

There is also this saucy little fellow in the middle.  He is presenting us with his backside, which is what all chickens do the minute you point a camera at them.

I'll have to get pictures of my other tacky chicken decorations, I love me some tacky crap so I've got some doosies.