Death To Junipers #346 Or, Last Chance To Torture Junipers!

Today was Juniper Stump Removal Day, which may replace Halloween as my favorite holiday.

Now, we've already dug out a few of these mothers on our own, so we were pretty much over doing that.  We knew it was time to bring in the big guns.  So we hired some poor unsuspecting schmucks--I mean, landscaping specialists--and they came out with a big dually truck, a lot of chain and a trailer to haul away the juniper corpses.

The brush pile was monsterously huge and took six loads with a trailer and pickup to remove just by itself.  Here it is back in March of 2013:

 
By April of 2014 the quail that had nested and raised chicks in it had vacated, and the pile had broken down enough to remove.

So the guys came out today and started hauling off the brush, then they attacked the stumps.  They also removed the two rotted wood posts.

At the landscaper's request, I dug a moat around each stump and soaked them with water to make removal easier (which worked like a charm).  While doing so I found two undiscovered Easter eggs, still intact.  I think I actually screamed when I found them...

CHAIN THAT JUNIPER TO THE BUMPER.

Now, RIP IT OUT!

They made the most delightful tearing, popping sound as they came out.

Truckload o' juniper stumps.  This is only three plants.

AHAHA, DIE!

The stump that was between the back porch and the sprinkler controls was dicey, but careful yanking got it out.

RIIIIPPPP...and the sprinklers were unharmed as far as I know, too!

That dually spun it's tires and threw rooster tails of dirt.  Thank God I didn't have to worry about harming a lawn.

After three days of these poor guys working in 100 degree heat, I'm happy to say that all of the junipers are GONE.  They also trimmed back a couple of the neighbor's trees that were dangerously overhanging the driveway, so we feel a lot better about the property being safer and more under control now. 

The chain link fencing for the perimeter of the property and sectioning off my future raised bed vegetable garden is due to be installed at the end of July-beginning of August, so next we will drag the back part of the property and get that ready.

RAWR...

The weather has warmed enough during the days to melt the ice flow out back and sufficiently thaw the ground for digging.  Mostly.

So today we went out and attacked the dead juniper stumps and other assorted stupid yard-leavings-from-Hell from previous owners.  One juniper stump--a small one, to be sure, but it counts, dammit--is out.

Also, current score is Junipers: 1, Yard Tools:  0

Oddly enough,it was the other end of the tool that was being used to pummel at the ground when the blade broke off and tried to kill my husband.  The good news is, True Temper has a lifetime guarantee on their tools, which may be bad news for them depending on how much digging we do.  At any rate, the thing took one for the team against our rocky soil.  'Soil', ahaha.  Like there's any actual dirt in our dirt.

Onward to just one of the messes left behind by the previous homeowners, may they rot in He--anyway, today's other project was trying to pry out the two old concrete and rotted 4x4 wood post footings.  I assume they were a hitching post.  Happily, rather than remove them when they were no longer useful, the previous homeowners instead planted %$#@! juniper bushes right next to them to just cover them over so they'd lurk for 20 years just for us so WE could scream with delight when we found them.

After diligently digging away at the things while quietly sobbing over the summer to no effect, we borrowed two tools from my mom--huge, fuck-off steel pikes.  One is about 6 feet long and weighs around 10-15 pounds, the other is 8 feet and must weigh 20-25 pounds.  These are the tools of freakin' champions and get the job done, although the small one is deemed 'cute' and pretty quickly set aside in favor of the big boss.

A toehold is all we need!

Although Dusty is doubtful as to the outcome.

Dig, Dusty, dig!

The dog is no help and wanders off.

RAWR.  Stubborness FTW!

The concrete pad is loosened and flipped out, unfortunately the wooden post obstinately remains and will require more digging.  Going by the other half-assed 'homeowner repairs' we've found around here, we're banking on this chunk of concrete being the only one in this hole, but on the other hand I would put it past Fate to have a second one lurking down there, the miserable asshole.

On to concrete wad #2! Prybar in action...

DOUBLE RAWR.

Again, though, the post stays behind and isn't appear to be in any hurry to vacate.  Here's how both lined up.

 

 
This should make digging that one dead juniper stump out easier--the roots had gone under and all around the concrete wad so getting the concrete out first was necessary.  Plus we have to get the wood posts out and bust up the old concrete with a sledge.  Once we get the pick replaced I can whale away at them.  But having the accursed things out is a huge step forward.

To heck with things like jewelry and $600 pairs of shoes--I dream of new tools like a sledgehammer, a heavy-duty pick, a splitting maul, a good ax and woodsplitting wedges.

The cool giant rocks will be rolled into one spot and become part of the small water feature I want to put in in the future.  Meanwhile, getting the back yard cleared and ready for my Arbor Day Foundation trees that are incoming in about 2-3 months, plus getting the yard ready and safe for the chickens, is progressing.

I'm...I...I'm DONE?!

So another day of raking up juniper branches, picking up trash...and suddenly we look around and realize...

...we're done.

It takes a minute for this to sink in and for us to realize it's true. The branches and trash are cleaned up and gone. Granted, we still have a bunch of juniper stumps to dig out, my pond I want to install, the sprinklers to repair and the yard to replant since it it now pretty much a blank canvas, but the major cleanup is done!

Trash Lasagne by the back door? Gone.

Chicken coop and the rest of the property is visible! I'm pretending not to see the work still to be done beyond the fence, for now. I think my brain would crack if I thought about it too much. One hurdle at a time.

Surviving cypress plants thinned out and being suffered to live as possible cover for the chickens for now.

None of the juniper stumps greened up once we cut them back, lucky for them.

There DOES still remain the gigantic old concrete posthole next to one of the big stumps to remove, though.

I figure it'll be some time in 2040 before I stop gnashing my teeth and cursing the previous tenants of this place. Especially since I realized that it has been a solid year since we started the work on this part of the yard.

Marching Forward...

Rounding the far turn and entering the home stretch with the back yard! We're down to the last bank of juniper/cypress plants. This batch is harboring more big rocks than the others, and just as much trash. But be gone they eventually will be, although we're trying to salvage some of the cypress plants as cover for the chickens for now.

The ones on the left have been partially cleaned up and shaped. Today we found more rotting dog toys, several balls, a large yellow plastic dish and a child's sweatshirt, plus a metric ton of trash.

Also, I made a fertile egg trade with a local lady and got these lovelies!

I gave her some Belgian d'Uccle, Americauna, Giant Cochin, Brahma, Barred Rock and New Hampshire eggs. She has a mixed flock like ours, with Light Brahma and Golden Polish roos running with Sicilian Buttercup, Silver Laced Wyandotte, Rhode Island Red, Leghorn, Golden Polish, Light Brahma and Orpington hens. They go into the incubator along with our hen's eggs on Saturday!

Yay for more chickens with silly doodads on their heads!

Juniper Removal Blearily Continues...

I'm starting to think that this job, like painting the den, will never be done, despite me knowing for a fact that work is done on it every single day.

But at any rate, two juniper stumps are now out and one more is most of the way out, leaving one more after it in this area. After they are gone, this is where the pond, a drawf weeping maple and a big white rose bush will go, incorporating lots of the rocks from the back yard. The good news is I unearthed a sprinkler head near here today, so the water pipes are already in place.

The fun part of the half-dug-out stump in the foreground is that RIGHT next to it, in the area between the stump and shovel, is another huge wad of concrete and the remains of a 6x6 redwood post--just like the OTHER one we found the other day on the other side of the chain link, way over in front of the chicken run.

Neither of these two match up along the same lines, so whatever the Hell used to be here, these two posts & concrete are unconnected. Who the Hell plants a plant RIGHT next to an old concrete posthole?!

Which means we'll very, very likely find even more of these, like big crappy land mines.

Juniper Removal Continues, Now With More Tools!

So now the back yard is juniper free! Today was more branch hauling to the monsterously huge brush pile in the back of the property, which the local quail have decided is peachy keen and are living in. Guess clearing away the pile will wait until after baby quail season...

The trash lasagna plant by the back door is cleared except for it's stump, the remaining cypress plants may stay if we can get them under control and cleaned out. The cypresses got into the fun by yakking up another 6 foot metal fence post. The pointless tripping hazard of old bender board half frost-heaved from the ground was removed.

We even got the stump of the dead juniper pried out, thanks to a huge freakin' rock and a spare chain link post we found in the yard. Thanks Archimedes, yay for fulcrums/levers!

We're now trying to figure out where to logically put the fence to connect the chicken run and back yard, and plan ahead for future projects like the raised bed garden I want at the back of the property. I only want to place fence ONCE. On the plus side, the two metal fence posts the junipers & cypresses gifted us with can be resused for the new fence. I spent yesterday repairing holes in the chain link from the previous tenant's horses and moving cut branches, so my arms look like I thrust them into a bag of angry pumas. Today's weird trash yield included the cap for the chain link gate post, a screwdriver and a small sledgehammer in pretty fair condition, also a huge chunk of concrete that obviously held a 6x6 redwood post. This means either a gate or hitching post, which means sooner or later the other shoe will drop and we'll find a matching wad of concrete half-buried nearby. Next I expect the junipers to cough up a prison shiv and try to shank me.

Scratch one Bird-Eating Plant!

That big asshole juniper in the corner turned out to in fact be TWO plants, although one had horror-movie-worthy multiple trunks.

They are GONE.

Of course, there is a massive brush pile next to where they were, which makes my body hurt just to think about dragging away. I'm so bleary-eyed & bone-tired now, that I can barely remember my own name but the race is on to get the back yard sorted out before the local skunks come out of hibernation--and it's getting into the mid 60's-70's this week, so we HAVE to get this done, they love the damned junipers.

Here's a bit of the junk pulled from the quail-eating bastard juniper, most of it baling wire--buckets included, by the way:

Seriously, who throws shit like this in their own back yard for years?!

Onward to the final juniper plant, this tangled mess is right outside my back door. Charming.

It is SO very matted and full of trash that it's a trash lasagne at this point, you have to dig at the center to find branches to cut. I pulled a 4 foot section of 1x6 out of it today like some kind of low-rent magic trick. But it's the last actual juniper plant, the rest along the back of the house are cypress plants and MAY be suffered to live for now as cover for the chickens if we can get them decently cleaned out and given a military trim. I hate to leave the back yard bare since we have so many hawks, the chickens need some kind of cover until our trees and other bushes we planted grow.

Meanwhile, today we found the perfect representation of the previous tenants: From the 80's, a Bud Light can, a Pepsi can and a Yoo Hoo bottle. Plus assorted old tennis balls, a metric ton of generic trash & plastic...and one gardening glove.

If I find the owner of it I'm just gonna mulch him in, if the junipers haven't completely digested him.

Now THIS Is Just Going TOO Far...

More Juniper Death today. Today the kid and I worked on clearing cut branches, and cutting back the grandfather of all these nasty assholes, the one on the far right.  Here it is last June, 'before':

Halfway through cutting it out:

You can see why these are such a damned headache--they've been growing willy-nilly and trapping trash for 40 years. Today it was about 9 miles of baling wire--which you never see, it just gets snarled instantly in the chainsaw, trying to remove your head at the neck. Also a large blue ball, a golf ball and a toy car, plus the usual 40 metric tons of run-of-the-mill trash.

Haha, stupid junipers, think a board with rusty nails is ANY kind of defense against a chainsaw?!

The pink 5 gallon bucket is something we pried out of one of the OTHER junipers the other day, today we found that granddaddy Cthulhu's big brother had RE-eaten it and it was mired deep within it. Good God.

Sadly, it had also eaten one of our Valley Quail, apparently yesterday--she was found dead, tangled in it's branches. That's the final straw...just another reason to hate the damned junipers and cleanse them from the Earth.

The other side of the yard slowly getting cleared. My wheelbarrow is under there somewhere...

The kid poses with ONE of the cut-out branches.

Since a bunch of the trash is little bits & pieces of plastic, metal, broken glass, etc. we are trying to get the yard as chicken safe as possible, which means picking through all this crap by hand and fussing out the trash. One thing I found while raking out gallons of plastic & trash was a HUGE nest of stink bugs. The kid ran and got a cup, and we filled it with yummy stink bugs for the chickens inside about 1 minute. We saw pretty quick that we'd have to bring in the big guns for this one.

This called for a specialist. Bear!

Bear ate some, but pretty clearly couldn't get past the taste. We brought Bloop in, but he was fascinated with courting Bear and ignored the bugs, silly rooboy. Once we get the yard done I'm sure that River and Zip will be glad to clear those suckers out, they LOVED them.

One Month To Paint ONE Room? Yes, Please!

Arg fargl, the den is done.

Of course, I still need to rip off the last of the blue painter's tape and install the doorknob...

Oh, and unpack all the books...

And the desk placement is temporary and nothing is on the walls but one clock...

And the windows need some kind of drapery...

Shit. I ain't done, am I?

Bleah. Meanwhile, juniper death marches on! Today's Juniper Mystery Trash Surprises: a softball, a dog toy, yellow rope and the Mt. Everest of trash...including a McDonald's styrofoam Chicken Nuggets container, which they quit using in 1990. Pretty bad when the junipers are eating fast food. No wonder they are so damned big, they bullied someone into feeding them.

Now with fun 'before' and 'after' shots!

Back yard before, last June-overgrown and nasty...we were just starting that day to hack away at the damned junipers:

And after!

The ones along this side of the back fence are gone! Gimanderous brush pile will be hauled away to the back part of the property, where the local wild quail are loving it.

Half of the junipers on this side are gone, the rest fall today. I did find an Ouroborosian growth in the base of the things--a huge branch that came up and then dove back down into the earth, ending who knows where. Presumably gone to visit his buddy Chthulu. I'll bet there's some guy in China ripping out junipers and cussing them. Also a board with rusty nails sticking out of it. Haha, stupid junipers, bringing a board-and-nails to a chainsaw fight...

The giant rocks are awesome and will stay. Next to giant awesome rocks is a cutting from the Curly Willow plant that I brought from the old house, the one we had in the back yard there got massive, was gorgeous and made for great cover for the chickens, and was edible for them as well. Eventually the chickens will be able to roam this part of the yard, once I repair some holes in the chain link caused by the previous tenant's horses. It'll make the chickens so happy to be able to come up to the back of the house again!

Side fence before, the junipers had, needless to say, grown through the fence everywhere:

After! Well...partially. Just wresting them free of the fence and getting them to this point was a major accomplishment:

We trimmed these away from the fence first and discovered that when we did that, it exposed the vulnerable underbelly of the damn junipers and made it easy to attack them from the rear & chop 'em out. Yeah, baby!

Back fence before:

And after!

We're thinking of making the old water heater in the background into a doghouse for Dusty, cutting it up to resemble an old-time Saturn rocket and painting 'Dogstar 1' or something equally goofy on it. Next to the big rocks, where we took out the first juniper, I plan on installing a small pond. That big bastard in the background will be the next one to go after today. Nothing left along the back fence in the foreground but the plant bases and roots, yay!

...which I will now have to dig out.

To quote Scarlett O'Hara, 'I won't think about that today, I'll think about it tomorrow.'