Uhhh...

I think I'm dead, or should be.

Gotta say this graph from our local Air Quality Index station at a park about 1/2 a block from our house, according to http://nvair.ndep.nv.gov/ showing our air quality from 8/22 to today, is one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

According to this, on the 22nd, when I took the pictures of the yard I posted, our air quality went from 13 at 11AM, to 31 at noon, to 201 at 1PM, then ROCKETED to 985 at 2PM, staying there for 5 hours before dropping to the still-insane-but-better reading of 228.

After experiencing it that day, and the subsequent choking levels of our air, I'm tending towards believing it. Other highlights include AQI readings: 8/23 336, 8/24 355 and 8/25 427.

Right now we have a reading of 343.

Anything over 300 is classified as 'Hazardous', the worst category for air quality there is. I feel like I'm living in Beijing.

Meanwhile, the chickens are STILL in the house, and no one is happy about it.  Sonic has actually taken to camping out in the big metal feeder, where she can eat unmolested to her heart's content....

...and even laid an egg in there before she left!

In Which My Life Hooks A Sharp Left And Goes Offroading Into The Ridiculous

So because of the massive amounts of thick, nasty smoke from the Rim fire near Yosemite, we had to take the extreme step today of bringing ALL of the animals into the house.

ALL.

Including 4 cage birds, a dog, a bunny and 50 chickens. Thank God I do not have horses.

To say that this was neither easy nor joyously experienced by all is a massive understatement.

We prepared by clearing out anything chickens could break/accidentally choke to death/poop on and laying out our handy thrift store sheets to protect the floor and furniture. Some of my paint cans came in handy, as did the roll of blue painter's tape.

Weedcat at first stayed by the back door and stared unhappily at the ceiling until I caught on and turned off the ceiling fan. None of the others gave a hang about the thing, but he did. They all stood around looking like they were politely waiting for a bus, no doubt wondering what the Hell was going on. We plied them with various goodies to keep them occupied and distracted until it got dark enough for them to roost.

Which they did on my kitchen island, table & chairs as planned. The youngest babies hied themselves up on the island early on and stayed there. We have two broody banty hens at the moment and they were NOT happy being away from the nest boxes, but we'd tried to accomodate them by draping the sheets so there were dark hidey places for them to go sit.

Meeko liked this paint can.

Finally they were all tucked in for the night...

Wait...what's that up there...?!

Oh, fantastic, it's Pele, who considers herself Queen of the Wild Chickens. After a struggle and much outraged Pele squawking, husband unceremoniously grabs her and puts her on the ground, where she remains...

for about 5 minutes. Then, right in front of my eyes, she flies from the ground straight up to the top of that cabinet again.

This time she got a military-style wing trim, which put an end to her adventures.

Lord, at least the dog behaved.

How To Make A Zombie!

While I was making up the kid for Halloween I took some pictures of the various steps. The costume goes on first. Then the two-part rubber prosthesis is stuck to her face--in this case a fake pencil positioned to look like it was rammed through her face. Also I added a homemade prosthesis made out of latex and paper towel shreds, which looks nicely like her throat was ripped out. What can I say, middle school can be tough.

Next comes the first layer of makeup--shadows around the eyes, bruising around the wounds.

The trick to makeup is thinking about what real wounds look like--they are never just one color, they are shades of red, purple and yellow. And blending. Lord, do ya ever have to blend and blend and blend.

More detail, with white pancake applied all over and some veining on her forehead. By now she's getting into character and hamming it up a bit.

Final makeup touches, finished with white powder to set the makeup and some fresh blood--after all, zombies gotta eat.

My lil' zombie!

We drove into town to take her trick or treating, and decided that we would skip being zombies ourselves...we could just see getting in a traffic accident and scaring the crap out of the emergency responders. We did go to a casino coffee shop for dinner afterwards though, where the kid drew all kinds of attention. As we were getting ready to eat an older couple stopped by our table on their way out, the husband dropping a five dollar bill in front of our daughter and saying cheerfully, 'That's for scaring my wife so badly she almost threw up!' His wife stood behind him, nodding energetically and laughing. We all laughed and thanked them.

Yay, zombies! Next year we have to find ourselves a good zombie crawl and attend. Or heck, if we can't find one, we'll start one...

Happy Halloween!

We love Halloween in our family, and since this year we were unable to do our annual Halloweencam thing, we settled for gussying ourselves up in our zombie best and shuffling over to the school carnival. Also, jack o' lanterns!

The kid and her loving father:

We had some time to kill (hurr) before the carnival started, so we went down to the local cemetery and crept around a bit.

Afterwards we went out and shambled around in front of the high school for a while, moaning and reaching towards cars as they sped by on the highway. People's reactions ranged from shocked stares to pointing and hysterical laughter. Heck, gives them something to think about and reinforces the 'small towns can be scary' thing.

We had a great time at the carnival and even won first place for 'Scariest' in the costume contest!

Road Trips & Stark Terror On The 8th Floor

Had to make a quick trip down to southern California to see my doctor, also to grab what I could from the storage unit. On the way down I stopped at the Coso Junction rest stop to toss some pork rinds to the resident ravens, which they LOVED. They hopped around jamming as much as would fit into their beaks. Also wandering amongst them in fine 'Which Does Not Belong' style was this little guy:

He completely ignored the ravens and the people who glanced his way and then did a double take. He just dashed around grabbing bugs out of the grass, perfectly happy.

Further down the road at Kramer Junction was this poor Arco sign, twisted and thrashed by the wind.

Somewhere along the line I left this little guy, who's crazy eyeballs were a happy accident and go with the quote perfectly.

I finally got into town and checked into my hotel, where I stayed on the 8th floor. Driving for 10 hours is tiring, so I was sleeping like a dead thing when I awoke to the clock radio's alarm, I'd drawn the blackout curtains so the room was full dark as I groggily sat up and reached for the radio.

It wasn't the radio making that noise.

Only one other thing in a hotel shrieks like that. The fire alarm.

As soon as I realized what it really was, and remembered that I was on the 8th floor, all my best cuss words started flowing. It's 5AM and I was more irritated than anything at first, griping, 'Of course. Of COURSE this would happen now' as I stumbled around trying to do all the right things you are supposed to do in a fire.

Looked out the window and listened. I DID hear a fire truck siren wailing, great. But don't see any flames or smoke. OK, that side of the hotel is likely not involved, that fact filed away in my head. I went to the door and felt it--it wasn't hot and no smoke was issuing from under it. I stood behind the thing and gently cracked the door, ready to slam it shut again. Nothing except the hallway fire alarms also screaming their brains out and the strobe light flashing. The hallway is murky with something hanging in the air, which is good enough for me, I'm outta here. No one else is around. I go to the phone and press the 'emergency' button...and get a recording which says cheerfully, 'Your session has expired' whatever the Hell that means in an emergency. When you think death is threatening you, 'expired' isn't the first word you want to hear.

So I break the world record for getting dressed and cramming my few things into my overnight bag. I grab everything and go back into the hallway, which by now is quiet and there STILL aren't any people around. Either everyone else is already out or they aren't bothering to evacuate. I decide to get my tail downstairs and after looking out the two hallways windows for signs of fire below, decide to chance the elevator, which works fine.

The lobby is quiet and no one is running around on fire and screaming, so I go to the front desk and inquire as to whether there is REALLY a fire on the 8th floor.

The guys actually laughs and says casually, 'Oh no, that's just the fire alarms in room 820 and 825--the steam from the showers sets off the room alarms and then if it gets into the hall the entire floor goes off.'

Oh. Ha, ha. How perfectly droll and amusing. Someone a few doors away from my room takes a hot shower and the fire system goes batshit.

I'm not laughing, and by now the adrenaline has well and truly kicked in and I'm shaking. I ask him how often this happens and he says that he's worked there for 6 months and it happens 1-2 times each and every week. He says, 'We're working with the fire department' because by now he's caught on that I'm NOT pleased and he's seeking to placate me at this point.

Since I've already had a middle of the night, honest-to-God fire scare in my own home, complete with a house full of smoke and having to haul my unresponsive child from her bed, I'm FAR from placatable. They hadn't even sent an employee up to check and see if it was just the fire alarms crying wolf, they just assumed it was the steam causing it again. The guy tells me I can go back up and go back to sleep. Ha, ha. Noooo, I think I'm awake for the day.

Suffice to say that when I returned home I emailed the hotel chain and let them know what was going on at this particular property.

The Chickens Have An Adventure!

Today has been eventful, to say the least.

This morning as I was brushing N.'s hair for school, I heard a HUGE commotion the chickens were raising out in the yard--literally ALL of them were screaming. That could only mean one thing--a predator in the yard, attacking and/or eating one of them. Likely a hawk, and likely it was attacking one of the new chicks--they are the most vulnerable right now.

So out I run...just in time to see a gigantic dust-up in the middle of the yard, involving about ten of the adult birds, including 4 broody hens and all three roosters. There was a huge dust cloud, so thick I couldn't see through it, and battling chickens, all thrashing whatever they had in the middle.

Which at that moment burst free and took off outta there--a Sharpshin hawk.

Jesus, they were curb-stomping a hawk!

Bear, her two daughters Voodoo and Moxie, Boots and Silver were so upset, they turned on each other and kept fighting. I had to wade in and seperate pissed off hens. The babies were sensibly stowed under a large bush, hunkering down and being quiet. I figured that the hawk had seen the four broodies out dustbathing, figured they were easy pickin's and dived on them. Or had landed thinking to walk in after the babies.

Big mistake.

I hope the hawk was OK and has learned his lesson after getting an ass whoopin' he'll never forget--DON'T mess with broody hens!

Halloween!

Had a terrific turnout this year, lots of kids & families having a good scare & taking lots of pictures with J. in his scarecrow costume. Only a couple of kids got truly scared, and most of them calmed down after getting an apology & loads of candy. :)

I tried something new this year and did a 'shaved' pumpkin:

The yard got some new decorations too, although since it rained right up till last night, we had to scurry and put everything out today.

The lawn is mid-redo so it's just dirt right now, which worked out great for looking more like a spooky graveyard.

The kid got pressed into service as a model for the chalk outline out on the sidewalk.

And this guy ditched the 'World's Most Difficult Puzzle' he normally is working on in favor of a Tarot reading...

And the kid did her 'Weeping Angel' thing with great success, fooled a lot of people into thinking she was yard art & scared them!

I wasn't happy with the wig at all and the dress needed to be darker--the makeup also, but I ran out of time. Also the cool fangs we got her wouldn't stay in. My favorite part of the costume are the claws, which looked freakin' great.

Halloweencam Is Here!

Hey, come watch us scare the crap outta people tonight!

It's that wonderful time of year again, time to make our neighbors soil their underwear and leave a trail of abandoned candy as they run away!

Here's what's happening: We have a (security) webcam streaming live, with sound, aimed at our front porch. The cam will show people walking up our driveway towards the front door. We've got a fog machine hidden on the porch, and just as soon as they knock and call 'Trick or Treat!' I push the button and let 'em have it with the fog machine. Lots of screaming and leaping about, then they laugh. I open the door and hand out candy. They figure they've had their scare and turn to leave. Well...no.

Because this is what they passed on the trip up the driveway:

As they turn to leave, and juuust take a step or two off the porch, HERE'S what they now see:

OH MY GOD IT'S MOVED--!
ONLY IT'S ARMS ARE EXTENDED OUT AND IT'S STOMPING STRAIGHT TOWARDS THEM! That's my husband, up on plasterer's stilts so that he's about 9-10 feet tall. Last year we had great fun, people screamed bloody murder and ran around like cockroaches when the garage light is turned on. For extra fun my daughter will be dressed up as a 'Weeping Angel' from Dr. Who and posing in the front yard graveyard to scare people. She loves that adults are terrified and creeped out by little dead kids that run at them making chittering sounds.

Please join us in taking pleasure from other people's terror! We are in Los Angeles, California, so the cam will start when it gets dark here, around 6PM Pacific Standard Time. We get most of our people from about 7:00-9:30PM (PST). We are about three hours behind Eastern Time, so make allowances for the time difference--6PM here is 9PM in New York. We'll be testing the cam here and there before then, but things won't really start until it's dark here. Here's the link to the cam, we're using the same URL as we do for Chickam (again, it isn't up & running yet):

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/chickam2008

We've had great fun doing this in years past and have been doing it for about 4 years now.

If you want to see a great scare from last year, check out this YouTube video that a friend was kind enough to record for us last year. The best part is the first 3 1/2 minutes or so--BUT BE WARNED, watch the volume on your speakers, those girls scream LOUD. The zombie child running around is our daughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it9kT2arUP0

My husband has bad knees and is in a LOT of pain this year, so he may forgo the stilts, he'll decide later on which it'll be.

Happy Halloween!

This Weeks' Chapter In The Car Saga...

Ever had one of those days?

Here was yesterday for my husband J.:

Thankfully, other than being banged up and sore, he seems OK so far. The truck, on the other hand, seems totaled. We'll know more when they drag the poor thing off to the repair shop. This is what happened when some guy driving in the far right lane suddenly realizes that he's going to miss the left hand turn lane he needs, and cuts off people in order to get there, rather than continue on past it and turn around. I swear some people think the road only runs in one direction. So after this guy--who was, by the way, driving a transport service van full of handicapped kids--cut off my husband, my husband broadsided a woman in a car. He blacked out for a moment and came to with an airbag in his face. That's all he knows right now, but the woman unfortunately had to go to the hospital. We'll have to try and find out what her condition is, if she is in the hospital I would very much like to send her some flowers...being in there at all is bad, being in there for Thanksgiving is gonna suck.

The truck has a nice 'S' wave to it when you look at it head-on, but heck, at least the diamond-plate toolbox in the back still closes...of course, the capper is that the truck didn't have a dent or ding on it, and we'd just gotten it paid off. I had to prepare N. a bit before we got home from school yesterday, she was very sad that the truck was ruined (but very glad her daddy was OK) and seemed to gain a bit of appreciation for how much damage cars can do.

As I look across the dinner table this Thursday at my family safe and sound, I know what I'LL be thankful for.