Me: OK, so I have to reformat this 500+ page book for the publisher...
Word: OK I’LL ONLY PRETEND TO MAKE CHANGES THO
Me: What? No. I changed
the ‘Normal’ template! Just DO it!
Word: SORRY NOT GONNA
HOLD YER CHANGES. SUCKS TO BE YOU LOL
Me: Why?! I did everything I was supposed to, I’ve checked it
5 times now! I even changed the off-the-beaten-track weirdo ‘extra’ places Microsoft throws in just
to get a laugh. JUST KEEP THE CHANGES.
Word: AHAHA NO. GO QUESTWANDER THE INTERNET FOR AN HOUR GROVELING FOR HELP WHILE YOUR BRAIN TURNS TO OATMEAL
Me: *an hour later* OK, everyone says I have to dig into
MSWord’s guts and make scary irreversible changes...WHAT?! You STILL won’t, you
pig?!
Word: WELCOME TO MICROSOFT HELL. TELL YOU WHAT, I’LL MAKE SOME OF THE CHANGES BUT I’M GONNA MAKE
YOU GO THROUGH THIS 500+ PAGE MANUSCRIPT AND CHECK EVERY
PARAGRAPH TO MAKE SURE THE FORMATTING TOOK. AND I’LL ALSO SWITCH BACK AND
FORTH FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON SO STAY
FROSTY FOR THE NEXT 12 HOURS WITH THOSE BLOODSHOT EYES OF YOURS WHILE YOU TRY
TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY
Me: X*$#!@
Word: *holds up other shoe preparing to drop it*
Me: WHAT?! Why are you now randomly changing periods to
commas?! And what’s with the random double spaces and ignoring paragraph breaks
you unholy monster?! Right hand to God, I’ll pry open this computer case and
FIND YOU.
Word: *throws in extra lines of text, leaves others OUT
wholesale* OH LOOK HERE COMES A THUNDERSTORM TIME FOR ME TO LOSE POWER AND EAT 2/3 OF THIS BAD BOY. LOL YOU WANTED TO REWRITE THIS BITCH FROM SCRATCH, RIGHT?
Me: Yeah, well up
yours Word, I have the original backed up AND I’m working with a copy so my
original is SAFE. You can’t break me!
Word: *evil chuckle* ISN’T THE SEQUEL YOU WROTE TO THIS ONE
TWICE AS LONG...? YEAH, BABY...THERE IT IS...I LOVE THE TEARS OF A WRITER...
WAIT...WHAT’S
THAT CAN OPENER FOR?!
