So this...this thing came in the weekly pile of junk mail.
Now, I know that logically, they send this pile of junk mail out to everyone. We're not being targeted here.
But still, I'm *just* old enough that the thing made me yelp out loud, 'Oh, fuck you!' in such a wounded tone that the kid instantly asked what's up. Had to explain what the word 'spry' meant and how it applied to people much older than her parents. MUCH. I wouldn't even apply that term to my mother, who's got 30 years on me. When I'm 100 years old and still gettin' around, then you can use *that word* for me. Besides, who in the last two centuries has used the word 'spry'?
Then I had to step over my kid as she convulsed with laughter on the floor and go show this insulting rag to her father, who had pretty much the identical reaction that I had, accompanied by outraged snorts and an immediate online hunt for the publisher, presumably to soon suffer some fitting, dark Machiavellian revenge.
After that we hunted down the matches and gave the thing a Viking funeral. I mean, it was asking for it.