I'm reminded of the one about the pigeons.
One day my husband and
I were sitting in the living room watching TV, and heard this HUGE
feathery 'Thump!' off our front plate glass window. We went out and
found a pretty, but stunned, tan and white pigeon lying on the ground
after he'd flown into the window full speed. Lots of young kids and cats
around, so we relocated him to the back little patio garden of our
apartment so he can recover his wits (if any) and fly away. Well, he
didn't, and as night was falling and rain was expected, we relocated him
to the curved part of the rain gutter downspount, conveniently
protected up under the eaves of the building. We figured he'd be gone in
He wasn't. He just calmly looked at us, so my
husband gently took him down and set him on the patio, where the bird
started tooling around, looking for food. He didn't seem broken, but
obviously didn't want to fly, so we set out some water and a dish of
bird seed before we left for work. That night when we came home he was
still there, so at dusk we again placed him up in his roosting spot. The
next morning we put him on the ground again with the food and water.
when we got home from work that day he was gone, so we figured our good
deed was done and he'd flown away. We took in the food and water and
forgot about him...until about 4-5 days later, when we wake one Saturday
morning to find our pigeon buddy and about 10 of his BFFs wandering around on our patio.
"Oh my God," my husband said, "Wow. Look at that. He's told his friends."
we do the decent thing and scatter a handfull of seed out there since
we have guests. They happily eat it. We figured there was no way they'd
stay around and tolerate us walking out there, so my husband carefully
went out...the pigeons stayed, merely milling around his feet as he
walked among them like some kind of weird Pigeon God.
"Damn, these guys are tame!" Pigeon God observes.
I agree. He looks at me, then smoothly bends and scoops one up in one
fluid motion. It does not even struggle. I'm dumbfounded.
God just beams at me, cradling the bird with one hand while petting it
with the other. Pigeon God has the awesome power to instantly tame
Then I see IT.
IT appears from under one wing and scurries about. Pigeon is not alone.
has at LEAST 6 legs, is black and BIG--about the size of a fucking
It's a goddamned louse.
Meanwhile, Pigeon God is cheerfully
oblivious to the pigeon-with-a-bonus.
Then HE sees IT, too, and hastily puts down his new friend, all the while making the most interesting faces...
After that he beat it back inside and scrubbed his hands very
thoroughly. The Pigeon Death Louse Delivery Crew hung out for a bit and
then left. They showed up for a few days after, but we wisely decided
against feeding them anymore or encouraging the budding friendship, and
they soon split for parts unknown.