As Long As I'm Telling Stories...

I'm reminded of the one about the pigeons.

One day my husband and I were sitting in the living room watching TV, and heard this HUGE feathery 'Thump!' off our front plate glass window. We went out and found a pretty, but stunned, tan and white pigeon lying on the ground after he'd flown into the window full speed. Lots of young kids and cats around, so we relocated him to the back little patio garden of our apartment so he can recover his wits (if any) and fly away. Well, he didn't, and as night was falling and rain was expected, we relocated him and tucked him up onto the curved part of the rain gutter downspout, conveniently protected up under the eaves of the building. We figured he'd be gone in the morning.

He wasn't. He just calmly looked at us, so my husband gently took him down and set him on the patio, where the bird started tooling around, looking for food. He didn't seem broken, but obviously didn't want to fly, so we set out some water and a dish of bird seed before we left for work. That night when we came home he was still there, so at dusk we again placed him up in his roosting spot. The next morning we put him on the ground again with the food and water.

Well, when we got home from work that day he was gone, so we figured our good deed was done and he'd flown away. We took in the food and water and forgot about him...until about 4-5 days later, when we wake one Saturday morning to find our pigeon buddy and about 10 of his BFFs wandering around on our patio.

"Oh my God," my husband said, "Wow. Look at that. He's told his friends."

So we do the decent thing and scatter a handfull of seed out there since we have guests. They happily eat it. We figured there was no way they'd stay around and tolerate us walking out there, so my husband carefully went out...the pigeons stayed, merely milling around his feet as he walked among them like some kind of weird Pigeon God.

"Damn, these guys are tame!" Pigeon God observes.

"Weird," I agree. He looks at me, then smoothly bends and scoops one up in one fluid motion. It does not even struggle. I'm dumbfounded.

Pigeon God just beams at me, cradling the bird against his body with one hand while petting it with the other. Pigeon God has the awesome power to instantly tame anima--

Then I see IT.

IT appears from under one wing and scurries about. Pigeon is not alone.

IT has at LEAST 6 legs, is black and BIG--about the size of a fucking dime.
It's a goddamned louse.

Meanwhile, Pigeon God is cheerfully oblivious to the pigeon-with-a-bonus.

"PutitdownputitdownPUTITDOWN!"

Then HE sees IT, too, and hastily puts down his new friend, all the while making the most interesting faces...

After that he beat it back inside and scrubbed his hands very thoroughly. The Pigeon Death Louse Delivery Crew hung out for a bit and then left. They showed up for a few days after, but we wisely decided against feeding them anymore or encouraging the budding friendship, and they soon split for parts unknown.